Three Distinct Personality Types

Someone asked me this week what "passive-agressive" behavior was. It sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it? Later, I will explain what it means, but first let's learn what the three main forms of communication are. Then we will have a better idea of the combined forms, like "passive-aggressive".

As you are reading and comparing, remember that Jesus would have been defined as "Assertive" except for the crucifixion scene. He was, of His own free will, "Passive" as described in Isaiah 53:7

He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

How you communicate with others is sometimes defined by psychologists according to patterns of interpersonal behavior, that is, passive, aggressive or assertive. Each broadly defines a particular way of responding to others; whether you respond passively, aggressively or assertively will to a large degree determine not only how people treat you, but how much confidence and self-respect you're able to develop and maintain.

The table below outlines some of the various ways different behavior styles are expressed, and the effect they may have on others.

	PASSIVE	ASSERTIVE	AGGRESSIVE
Characteristics	Allow others to choose for you. Emotionally dishonest. Indirect self-denying, inhibited. In win-lose situations you lose. If you do get your own way, it is indirectly.	Choose for self. Appropriately honest. Direct, self-respecting, self-expressing, straight-forward. Convert win-lose to win-win.	Choose for others. Inappropriately honest (tactless). Direct, self- enhancing. Self-expressive, derogatory. Win-lose situation that you win.
Your Own Feelings on the Exchange	Anxious, ignored, helpless, manipulated. Angry at yourself, and/or others.	Confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, valued. Later: Accomplished.	Righteous, superior,deprecatory, controlling. Later: possibly guilt.
Others' Feelings in the Exchange	Guilty or superior. Frustrated with you.	Valued, respected.	Humiliated, defensive, resentful, hurt.
Others' View of You in the Exchange	Lack of respect, distrust. Can be considered a pushover. Do not know where you stand.	Respect, trust. Know where you stand.	Vengeful, angry, distrustful, fearful.
Outcome	Others achieve their goals at your expense. Your rights are violated.	Outcome determined by above-board negotiation. Your and others' rights respected.	You achieve your goal at others' expense. Your rights upheld; others' are violated.
Underlying Belief System	I should never make anyone uncomfortable or displeased... except myself.	I have a responsibility to protect my own rights: I respect others but not necessarily their behavior.	I have to put others down to protect myself.

As you see the differences, you will begin to picture assertive people you know, aggressive people, and the healthiest people of all: the assertive ones. They are easy to recognize once you know the characteristics of each of the three.

Next time we'll learn about the combinations, like the "Passive Aggressive".

(c) 2011 Godwoman - Christian Help for Women